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Are you Single? Create the Life You Want!

Julie-Richer-NSSAre you single and frustrated that you will never find the one or not accomplish your heart’s desire? While working with my clients and looking at my own life experiences, I discovered even smart single people make 3 Massive Mistakes while trying to find “the one” and I am sharing those with you right here and how to avoid them!!

Mistake #1: Many smart single people are ruled by the three O’s!

Over-thinking, Over-analyzing, and Obsessing.

We’re talking about …

  • The day dreams you might be playing in your head after meeting someone on-line or after the 1st date
  • The replay of past scenarios, whether they are good or bad
  • The worrying you might be getting too old to find the one
  • The obsession with searching
  • The over-analyzing of what went wrong, why one of your dates didn’t like you or why it didn’t work out… what you did wrong… what he or she did wrong…

What it boils down to, is these smart single people are living a huge chunk of their life in their head.

Like a Rolodex of thoughts just flipping in there or what my mentor calls the “racing mind”.

Living in your head disconnects you from reality and keeps you from noticing what’s happening in front of your very eyes.

Did you ever find yourself driving to a destination and then all of a sudden realize you are already there? You drove there right? Where did you go? The answer: In your head. And if I ask you do you remember the drive, you would probably say no.

Now imagine you’re walking downtown in you head worrying, over-analyzing and/or day dreaming and “the one” just walks in front of you… you would totally miss that!!!

  • Living in your head keeps you away from hearing your intuition and making the right decisions for yourself. Thinking is great, but most of us have so much in our head we have a hard time deciphering between thought and intuition.
  • Living in your head disconnects you from your body and can create ailments, disease, stress and tensions in your body (body aches, headaches) and also stop the natural ability for your body to heal!
  • The worst, living in your head accelerates the aging process and is the primary source of anxiety.

Solution #1: Become Increasingly Present

  • Observe how often you are in your head…without judgment. Just observe.
  • When fantasizing or obsessing about the future, get back and focus on what you are doing.
  • If you catch yourself replaying past scenarios or wishing you would have done something different, stop obsessing on it, learn from it and get back here!
  • If going on a date, avoid building expectations about who you are going on a date with. Instead be present, enjoy the discovery and pay attention to your genuine feelings that emerge from the reality and not the made up story you perhaps imagined.
  • If you realize you live more in your head than in the present moment, then focus deliberately on what you are doing like while your teeth, washing your hands, taking your shoes off, walking and feeling the floor underneath your feet etc… Focus 1 thing
  • Think purposefully… don’t allow the racing mind
  • And if you want to slow down your racing mind, then get into nature and let yourself go with nature’s flow. It is a highly beneficial way to re-connect to ourselves and reality.

Mistake #2 : Many smart single people are living with limiting BS!

No… not that kind of BS, we are talking about Limiting Belief Systems (LBS). You know…

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not pretty or handsome enough
  • I’m too old for this
  • I can’t tell the truth because I may get judged…
  • I don’t want to ask for what I want because, what if I get rejected?

We lie to ourselves with these limiting belief systems and we believe our own lies.

Why it is important to deal with the LBS?

I love this quote from Dr. John Demartini, Human Behavior Specialist

“What you think about, you bring about”

Picture yourself as an antenna… and think about the limiting beliefs you may have.

What do you think you are radiating and then what are you attracting? Negative thoughts will attract negativity and positive thoughts will attract positivity.

  • Limiting Belief Systems are strong and silently rule our world. They are subconsciously controlling how we feel, how we project ourselves, how we act and even what kind of person we may be attracting.
  • Most of these limiting belief systems also stop you from truly opening your heart and having a genuine connection with someone.

Even though you might want to be in a relationship, there is a part of you that is saying NOOOOOOO!

Solution #2: Identify the truth and let go of the BS (this I mean bullshit!)

Take the time and identify your limiting beliefs systems

  • What are they saying to you?
  • Question them… Where does this belief system come from? What self-judgments do you hold about yourself?
  • Find the truth behind them because they are false.
  • Make peace from your past and Re-program your limiting false belief.

Instead of:

“I am not good enough”

Start seeing that you are good enough by identifying your strengths, your personality traits and tell yourself “ I am good enough and I am worthy of love”.

Instead of:

“I am not pretty/handsome enough”

How about taking the time to be grateful of your body parts just as they are and tell yourself “I am beautiful in the eyes of my lover.

Instead of:

“I am too old for this”

There is no age criteria to find love.

Instead of:

I don’t want to be myself completely, what if I get rejected”

I focus on being myself and that’s how I will attract the perfect partner for me!

These limiting belief systems control and keep people living in fear of judgment and fear of being themselves.

Which brings me to the #1 mistake that even smart single people make that keep them worried they will never find the one…

Mistake #3: Many smart single people have no inner core foundation.

What I mean is that many single people either

  • Don’t know who they are, or
  • Not fully aware of the behavior and energy that project and/or
  • Afraid of being who they are and are desperate on finding someone to complete them before feeling self-sufficient, self-acceptance and self-love!

Caught in the trap of “how do I need to be for someone to love me” instead of “I’m going to be me and being patient to finding my perfect match”.

Having no inner core connection makes us live on the path of fear.

  • Fear of judgment
  • Fear of rejection and
  • Fear of never finding the one.

It’s also about not trusting life and not trusting that everything happens for a reason.

Unfortunately some of us also have past life experiences that tell us that it’s not safe to be who we are. So we shut down.

Not being ourselves for fear of rejection and then we wonder why nobody really connects with us.

Humans want a real soul connection… isn’t that what you want?

Big problemo!

If you don’t know who you are and/or are afraid to be yourself

  • You will either not attract anybody as people will sense your in-authenticity or
  • You will attract someone that is not themselves either; a fake, or
  • You will simply attract the wrong person

If you don’t feel self-sufficient, then you will attract someone needy because you are.

  • Self-awareness gives you opportunity to heal, let go of the crap that no longer serves you and gives you the chance to change into the person you aspire to be
  • When you have self-love, you don’t let selfish people take advantage of you
  • When you have Self-worth, you also express yourself clearly

Heal yourself, then you will be in a relationship without need or fear

Solution #3: Invest some time in your Self-Development, Discover who you are and Be Your Authentic Self!

  • Take Charge and become responsible for your own life! Take the time to know who you are and practice being you! Get in touch with your feelings; get to know your thought patterns and change was is dysfunctional.
  • Find out what direction you want to go – be clear as to what your values and visions
  • Identify what the needs of your body are, the needs of your mind and what fits well with you… so that you are clear in communicating those needs
  • Be honest with yourself and learn to be honest with others
  • Celebrate you are single for goodness sake and recognize that being single is the perfect time to create that inner-core foundation so that you feel self-sufficient, self-love, self-respect and attract “the one” for you… attract “the one” that is not stuck in the “I need you” trap.
  • Heal your stuff and let the other people heal their stuff.